Argh! I’m Up for Elimination…PLEASE VOTE FOR ME! October 22, 2008

     Unfortunately my percentage of weight loss was not enough this week therefore I am up for elimination. I desperately need your help to stay in the competition. My unbelievable monthly ability to retain more water than is in all the oceans is altering the numbers on the scale even though I’ve had the best two weeks in regards to eating right, exercising often, and not cheating. On Monday during our challenge I fell and injured my knee. They did a wonderful job of editing it out of the show. This setback is rather irritating as I feel like I’ve had one hurdle after another to jump during this competition. I was so upset because I was literally inches away from winning immunity, which I desperately needed, then I came crashing to the ground. 

     I am asking for your help. PLEASE VOTE FOR ME today after 3 pm, Thursday, and before 11 am on Friday. I realize you are very busy but voting as many times as you can on as many computers as you can is crucial. The week I was up for elimination there was a total of 3000 votes among four people. Last elimination there was a total of 8000 votes among four people and we believe that most of those votes were for one person. YIKES! 8000 votes will be tough to compete with but I believe we can do it.

     I ask that you follow the directions below to vote and then PLEASE cut and paste this into a NEW email and send it to everyone you know. If you are talking to someone on the phone, ask them to vote. EVERY vote is important! You are able to vote one time per day PER COMPUTER…so vote on every computer at your home, school, office, and library (and even on your cell phone) every day for the next three days! If you have Facebook and/or MySpace accounts, post it there and invite all of your friends to vote.

To sum it up…

• Vote TODAY (Wednesday) after 3 pm
• Vote THURSDAY all day
• Vote FRIDAY until 11 am

To vote (on every computer you can) click on the following link: http://www.ksdk.com/sales/splash/lose_ton/vote.aspx

     The results will be announced LIVE on Show Me St. Louis (NewsChannel 5) at 3pm. After voting I would love to hear from everyone. Feel free to drop me an email at reller@centurytel.net.  If you would like to follow my weight loss journey and/or follow my efforts to “green” Lincoln County continue reading this blog at www.losingaton.wordpress.com or my other blog at www.greenthelinc.wordpress.com.

     I appreciate your support and look forward to hearing from everyone soon.  Oh and don’t forget to tell everyone you know!

 

 

Yet Another Hurdle to Jump October 20, 2008

     This competition is a microcosm of life. I never know what will be thrown at me next. I have had my fair share of struggles & hurdles to jump just as all of you have. The challenge today was all about “clowning around” which was appropriate given it was in cooperation with Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Unfortunately clowning around took on new meaning for me when I clumsily fell during the challenge and injured my knee.

     Originally the challenge was to be held at the Scottrade Center but due to union rules we were not able to go in the building. Our challenge moved outdoors across the street near the Metrolink station. Wearing our clown noses and hats we ran up and down several large concrete blocks, spun plates on a stick while zigzagging around cones, hula hooped ten times, & sprinted to the finish line. The person with the best time would win four VIP tickets to the circus, a stuffed circus elephant, two programs, and most importantly, immunity. Immunity is what everyone hopes for and is what I was counting on. Lisa and I were the last two to run the course. It was a close race to the very end. Then right at the finish line I came crashing down.

     When I realized what had happened I was overcome by emotion and anger. I imagined this is what it would feel like jumping hurdles in the Olympics, thinking you’ve earned a gold medal, and then you trip on the last hurdle. And poof! Just like that the dream is gone in a flash. Ok…so I am being a little dramatic here but if you know how competitive I am, my response will not surprise you. This competition is much like an Olympic hurdle race in more ways than the literal one. In my earlier posts The Underdog and On the Edge…of Giving UpI wrote about all of the hurdles I’ve had to jump during this competition including my brother nearly passing away due to complications from cancer, struggling with PCOS, and trying to find a balance in being a wife & mother and finding time for myself, among many other things. Today’s events will be added to the list.

     Today’s fall has had profound consequences. Not only did it prevent me from earning the much needed immunity for this week’s weigh-in but it may have lasting affects on how I workout from this point forward. And with the weigh-in looming, I can do nothing right now but lay here with ice on my knee and pour my feelings into this post.

     I am so angered and embarrassed by my performance today. I can deal with losing fair and square but losing like this is a blow to my self-esteem and honestly, there wasn’t much of that to begin with. Add falling (& failing) on TV to the mix and it makes me an emotional mess. For those of you who have been following my blog you know that today’s fall is just adding insult to injury (no pun intended). I was just beginning to find balance in my life, feeling good about my progress, and thinking more positively. And now this.

     Today I received a tetanus shot because of the open wound on my knee, a brace to prevent it from twisting & minimize swelling, and medication.  The doctor said my knee was already beginning to turn purple evidence of a badly bruised knee cap and to look for swelling over the next couple of days. That said, yes, it does hurt but it could have been much worse. I know that life will continue throwing curve balls at me or insist I jump hurdle after endless hurdle but know that my spirit will never waver. I have to trust that God knows what is best for me. In conclusion, I’ve chosen to work through the pain and not lose sight of my goals.

My injured knee three days after falling.

Brooke & Lisa during the Ringling Bros. Challenge

Just Clowing Around

Queen of Emotional Eating October 13, 2008

     Some would call it falling off the wagon, others might say it is just a bump in the road, but I say it is my reality. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I see myself as the ”Queen of Emotional Eating.” This is a title I do not wear proudly but it is evident I struggle with it daily. Weigh-in weeks are especially hard for me emotionally; we have a challenge on Monday, the weigh-in on Wednesday, and then someone is eliminated on Friday. The pressure of performing well and the stress of not knowing if my hard work was enough to keep me from being eliminated interrupts my progress and has me spiraling (or eating) out of control. Wednesday and Thursday were no exception.

     The emotional damage from this week’s weigh-in and meeting my new trainer hit me with bruit force. All I have wanted to do is eat. And when I eat, I am in some euphoric state difficult to describe. It is like nothing in the world matters to me. So, with great regret I gave into my emotions and indulged Wednesday and Thursday. I ate at IHOP, Ponderosa, & had Chinese food in the course of two days. YIKES! Yes, at the time it felt & tasted so good to eat this high-calorie, fat laden food and to escape my emotional roller coaster momentarily but I have to admit I paid the price. The impact on my blood sugar was profound. I ended up not feeling well at all and regretting my decision. My normal thought process is to “beat” myself up over making such a poor decision and just give up. But rather than throwing in the towel and thinking I’ve just cost myself the competition, I’ve decided tomorrow is a new day. I understand my poor judgement may have consequences that will appear on the scale. In an effort to counter balance the extra calories I’ve eaten I will be adding another hour of cardio to my exercise routine each day for the next seven days and doing more lunges & squats than I ever thought possible.

     I have learned through this competition that eating the things you like in moderation, no matter how many calories they have, is key. Thinking back about what I have eaten in the last two weeks I now believe that I had deprived myself of too many favorite foods for too long. I believe this clouded my judgment and ultimately led to my inability to have self-control. This experience has forced me to reexamine my unhealthy relationship with food. I realize now how destructive this relationship can be to my self-confidence and my goals & dreams. I now have another item to add to my life list; develop a healthier relationship with food and learn to view it as fuel, not as a crutch to get me through the day. My relationship with food will not defeat me!

Sparking People to Live Healthier October 10, 2008

     I have struggled with weight issues throughout my adult life. At my heaviest I weighed 192 pounds, at my lightest about 110 pounds. At 5’1″ that is a lot of weight to carry on a small frame. I’ve been up and down so many times I keep clothes that range in size from size 6 to size 20 in my closet because I never know what size I’m going to be. Over the years I’ve often prayed for someone to help me; someone to show me what & how to eat and someone to give advice based on my health status and lifestyle. I desperately wanted someone to give me the tools necessary to successfully battle the scale and all of the other issues that go along with being heavy like high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I swore to myself that if I heard someone say that I ‘just need to watch what I eat and exercise’ one more time I would scream. Instead I’d just go home and eat, not because I’m hungry but because when I am upset eating seems to make me feel better.  Do I have stupid written on my forehead? I am intelligent enough to know that diet & exercise are the key to losing weight, I was just desperate for a program tailor made for me. A realistic program that wouldn’t cost me a fortune and require an absurd amount of my time. Luckily a friend of mine introduced me to SparkPeople.com.

     SparkPeople.com is a wonderful website. It is their mission to SPARK millions of PEOPLE to reach their goals and live healthier lives. They offer nutrition, health, and fitness tools, support, and resources that are 100% FREE. There you can learn how to eat healthier and exercise regularly for healthy, permanent weight loss. I am amazed at how user friendly it is and the amount of information I have at my fingertips. And people who don’t want to lose weight can still benefit from SparkPeople‘s tools, resources and community features. In addition to informative articles and interactive tools, such as fitness trackers and meal plans, members can find support and encouragement from their community of members and experts.

     What I like about SparkPeople.com is that I have a personalized diet (or healthy lifestyle program) complete with meal plans, calorie counter, fitness plans & tracker, recipes, recipe calculator, exercise demos (yes, actual videos to show you the move, its just like having a personal trainer), and the ability to track any type of goal such as my goal of lowering my cholesterol. I have a personalized homepage & blog and can create SparkTeams for people with similar goals and interests or just for my friends. After all having a support system in any endeavor is incredibly important. SparkPeople.com‘s diet program is all about burning more calories than you consume and it follows the American heart Association guidelines for a healthy lifestyle. Did I mention that this is completely FREE?!

     I know so many of you can relate to my weight loss struggles and are constantly looking for ways to overcome the obstacles you face in trying to lose weight. That is why I am sharing this wonderful & powerful ”tool” with you. SparkPeople.com can help you reach your goals, as I am living proof of it. Give it a try; I promise you will not be disappointed.

Being Camera Shy while on TV October 9, 2008

     Is it possible to stop hating the way I look in pictures and on camera? Watching myself on TV each week is a nauseating experience and listening to the sound of my voice when being interviewed makes me cringe. I often wonder how anyone can stand to listen to me speak. These feelings aren’t new to me as I have always avoided the camera and public speaking as much as possible. But I truly want to change that. I want to learn to accept how I look and sound and not let it hold me back anymore. The “me” on camera is far different than the me when I think no one is watching. I am normally laid back, talkative, and have a sense of humor. I am often asked why I chose teaching as a career if I am afraid of public speaking. Honestly, I don’t have a good answer for that. When teaching I’m in my element, especially when teaching science. I feel that I am a far better interviewer than interviewee.

     Some of you have noticed and asked why footage of me is not included (or is very limited) in many of the lose a ton segments. The only explanation I have is that I am a horrible interviewee, so much so that editing can’t help my cause. Or maybe I’m not a big enough personality on TV. Usually I am so focused on the challenge or the weigh-in at the moment I don’t have time to really think of something relevant to say while being filmed. Or just maybe they can’t stand the sound of my voice either…just kidding. Any advice for getting over being camera shy would be appreciated. I would love to be like Dana Hendrickson who has interviewed me several times during this competition. She is out-going, fun, down to Earth, and not afraid to take risks. Yes, I realize that television is what she does for a living but nevertheless, her personality on camera reminds me of my personality back when I used to be confident in my abilities.

October 8-Encouraging Weigh-In Results October 9, 2008

     The emotional roller coaster that I’ve been riding nearly derailed last week but somehow, maybe by the grace of God, I have averted disaster and managed to stay on track. I drove to the weigh-in this morning in complete delirium, sleep deprived, worried about my fate and anxious to see if MYhard word had been enough to prevent the emotional mayhem of possible elimination.  I stress the word “my” because I have been losing weight without the help of a trainer, without working out at the gym, and without eating the Seattle Sutton food all provided by KSDK for being in this competition. (If you are wondering why I am not utilizing these perks, read my earlier post titled “On the Edge…of Giving Up” which explains in detail my personal struggles while participating in this competition.)

     While many of my struggles have yet to be resolved, I am taking pride in knowing I’ve lost 6.5 pounds completely on my own; even though the odds were stacked against me. Strangely, as I left the weigh-in, I had the urge to listen to a Rascal Flatts CD that I hadn’t listened to in well over a year. The first song that played was “Stand.” In it they sing, “You feel like a candle in a hurricane, just like a picture with a broken frame. Alone and helpless like you’ve lost your fight, but you’ll be alright.” These words hit so close to home it brought tears to my eyes. Who hasn’t felt the weight of the world on their shoulders at some point in their life? The song continues, “Cause when push comes to shove you taste what you’re made of. You might bend till you break, cause its all you can take. On your knees you look up decide you’ve had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off. Then you stand.” WOW! It is as if they had a window into my soul when writing this song. It is so relevant to my current situation and, as I believe many of you can relate, relevant to my life as a whole.

     The last part of the song says, “Every time you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.” For me this statement is spot on; it couldn’t be any more true. This competition has forced me out of my comfort zone, made me look at my life in a whole new way, is helping me reclaim my self-confidence and find a positive self-image. I am more determined than ever to do every last thing on my life list. This competition has made me realize what the scale says really isn’t important in the bigger picture and that life is too short not to take risks, even if you have to embarrass yourself a little on TV.

     In closing, I encourage all of you to start a life list. Write everything you would like to do, try, and see in the short time we have on Earth (no matter how big or small the dream). It was my life list that prompted me to enter this contest despite my lack of self-confidence. I had no idea that making this one decision could profoundly change my life like it has and bring me ever so much closer to reaching my life’s goals & living my dreams.

Sore Muscles from a Short Workout October 2, 2008

When posting earlier that Monday’s rainy workout was a good one, I never imagined I would be so sore from it. I worked muscles I’d forgotten I had. Who would have thought that such simple exercises in a relatively short amount of time could do so much. If you missed the show on Tuesday, click here to watch the video clip from the show. It looks like we aren’t doing much but my sore muscle beg to differ. I plan to add some of these exercises to my daily routine and encourage you to do the same. You WILL feel the difference.

On the Edge…of Giving Up October 1, 2008

     This emotional roller coaster I am on is about to derail. Over the past couple of days my threshold of emotion has been breached and my post-partum depression, which has always been there secretly waiting in the wings, is roaring its ugly head. It all started last Wednesday at the weigh-in when I learned I had not lost enough weight to keep me safe from elimination. For three days I didn’t sleep continually worried about my fate and wondering if it was possible for me to have enough votes to stay. After learning I was safe live on TV Friday, my real life responsibilities rightfully came to the forefront and I quickly realized how selfish I have been with my time. I looked at my children and realized that they had grown tremendously both physically and intellectually during the five weeks of this competition and I missed it ALL! The guilt of focusing what little energy I have each day on working out, making sure I have babysitters for and allotting enough travel time to get to the challenges, group workouts, and weigh-ins, making sure to pick up my food from Seattle Sutton, and keeping up with my other responsibilities as a contestant has taken its toll on me.

     While the concept of Seattle Sutton’s Healthy Eating program is great, it isn’t realistic for me to eat one thing while my family eats something else. Not to mention I have found my intolerance to some of the items containing an abundance of soy (oil, protein, etc.) makes me physically ill and I vomit. So I have had to read through the indredients of every meal and choose only the items that have little or no soy included. Then I try to find healthy substitutes for the things I could not eat. How frustrating!

     As I have stated in earlier posts, living nearly 30 miles from my Club Fitness & trainer is another issue getting me down. Many of the other contestants only live 5-10 minutes from their club & trainer. If I didn’t have children or if my children were much older and able to care for themselves, working out at a club so far away may not be an issue. But when I schedule time with my trainer not only do I have to work around her schedule and the club’s babysitting schedule (no sitters in the afternoon), I have to figure in travel time, making sure the kids have been fed, clothed, and diapered (since they do not allow food & drink in the club’s babysitting area and they will not diaper the children either), and working around any other responsibilities we have. And if that wasn’t enough I was reviewing my budget last night and learned that I had doubled the amount spent on gasoline since the beginning of this competition. Ouch!

     Another issue getting me down is my support system, my husband. If any of you are familiar with the duties of a high school administrator you know that they have a stressful job; a job that requires them to be away from home most evenings of the week. I’m trying to keep that in mind but without him I feel like I am relying on my children, who are toddlers, for emotional support during this competition. We all know that is absurd. There are many times throughout this weight loss journey I’ve needed to share my struggles, needed an enormous amount of encouragement, and wanted to celebrate my triumphs but he never seems to be here. When his is here he goes into father mode, is working on his doctoral project, or is so wiped out from the day he falls asleep in his chair.

     And lastly my weight loss has stalled. I knew going into this competition I would be at a complete disadvantage with having PCOS and not having as much weight to lose as the other contestants. But I didn’t think it would be THIS much of an issue. For those of you who do not know, PCOS is a chronic hormonal disorder that causes a variety of problems including metabolic issues making it difficult to lose & keep off weight. Arrrgh!!!

     So I’ve considered giving up, forgoing my trainer, gym membership, food, and the possibility of winning a trip to Jamaica. Yes, I may sound like “Debby Downer” tonight but right now this IS my reality. What do I do? I don’t want to give up! I WANT to lose weight, I WANT to win this competition and take a much needed vacation to Jamaica, and I WANT to find a balance between making myself healthier and my responsibilities as a wife and mother. I suppose giving up really isn’t an option.